Donna Henes is an acclaimed urban
shaman, contemporary ceremonialist, artist and writer. She
has designed and produced countless public participatory
ceremonial events in celebration of the universal cycles
of the seasons in more than 100 cities in nine countries
since 1972.
Henes is the author of three books
and a quarterly newsletter, Always in Season. I
found myself resonating so much with her latest book that
I want to share stories from my own experience, and with
the mighty power of the pen (or in this case, the computer
disc), I can (and Queen that I am, I by Goddess, will).
Last May, my good friend Deborah
approached me with the desire to mark her 49th birthday
in some significant way. I priestess in my community by
co-creating ritual that marks life passages and calendar
events (I’m a Donna Henes wannabe). Deborah, a deeply
spiritual woman but one uneducated in the ways of the Goddess,
initially suggested that perhaps she would like to have
a croning. Cronings have even made it to the mainstream
press; therefore, we may be familiar with the concept. But
I think that many of us are not ready to embrace this archetype,
even though on some level we think perhaps we should.
I provided Deborah with Z Budapest’s
The Holy Book of Women’s Mysteries (1986,
Wingbow Press), marking the page that describes a queening,
and with The Women’s Wheel of Life: Thirteen Archetypes
of Woman at Her Fullest Power (Elizabeth Davis and
Carol Leonard, 1996, Penguin Books, New York). The latter,
an excellent book, is unfortunately out of print. I then
wrote Deborah the following email:
I hope the materials I provided
will give you further thought about your desired
49th birthday ritual.
In my opinion, 50 is too young to
be crone— particularly when you are still bleeding
and still have young children. However, please—
if that is the archetype that calls to you, then it
is right. As I related to you, a friend of mine had
a great croning on her 50th birthday because she works
with and so admires the elderly: Linda couldn’t
wait to be a Crone. Others wait until they have stopped
bleeding or until their second Saturn return at around
age 56-58. [Reviewer’s note: As my second Saturn
return quickly approaches me, I’m thinking about
waiting until Saturn comes around the third time.
Then maybe I’ll have a Hagging.]
I suggest, however, that you consider
other ideas, such as the Queen, Matriarch, or Empress.
I think that you are the Matriarch of your family
and should be honored as such. I’d be thrilled
to help you with this, whatever you decide.
I’m enclosing a short little
article as well. |
The article, which I had recently received
by email, was “On The Queen of My Self By Donna Henes,
Urban Shaman, On Finding Myself Middle Aged With No Role
Model I Could Relate To Because I Am Not a Crone.”
I enjoyed the article very much and
am thrilled to have a whole book on the subject. Charmingly
written and aesthetically pleasing, Henes’ book fills
a great need for those of us who are beyond the Mother stage
of life but do not feel the crone fits. The idea of expanding
beyond the Mother-Maiden-Crone model (and who thought that
up anyway, Robert Graves?) has been around and hinted at
or longed for by various writers (Budapest and Davis and
Leonard, among them), but Henes completes the idea with
great style.
Deborah loved the alternative ideas—
I had to wrestle the books back from her— and we designed
a ritual that I thought was appropriate to her stage of
life and one that has given her deep work for this year.
Henes says, “...it seems to
me that the Triple Goddess has perhaps outlived her relevance
to many of us in the modern world,” and I must recount
an example. Many years ago I was in the Kansas City area
for a work seminar at Beltane. I connected with a mixed
pagan group there and had a most interesting experience
in my desire to celebrate this holiday with other pagans.
That experience, although entertaining, has one point of
relevance to our present conversation. At the Beltane ritual,
I was sitting on a blanket with two other women and one
of the group’s men said we made a portrait of Mother,
Maiden, and Crone. I remember being mildly offended and
thinking, Now there’s one silly model, because the
speaker clearly meant for me to be the crone because of
my silver-streaked hair (I love my silver hair, by the way.).
Although my only child was then in college, I had some solid
life experience, and was in a leadership position, at 47
I hardly felt (nor do I still feel these good seven years
later) that I was a “Crone ...the ancient wise one,
cultural repository and visionary counselor-in residence,
who dispenses Her profound sagacity with patience and largesse.”
In this situation, the woman on the
blanket that the commenting pagan meant to represent the
Mother was at least as old as I, but through the aid of
Lady Clairol was cast as the younger member of the trinity.
That Triple Goddess had outlived her relevance, indeed!
As I was recently out walking my
dog (when my best thoughts occur), I wondered if this imposition
of the Mother-Maiden-Crone pattern could be misogyny cloaked
in a quasi-religious-mythological guise. You’re done
with your mother thing— now we relegate you to the
role of a dried-up old woman. Could it be a piece of the
“profoundly heterosexual bias” in neopaganism
that Vicki Noble wrote about in The Double Goddess (and
that I commented on in my last book review for Matrifocus)?
With her explanation of the Queen,
Henes surpasses this old trinity model with an archetype
that fits: The mythic model that I came to envision is recognizably
like me, like us. Not yet old, yet no longer young. She
is a regal Queen standing in Her proper place— after
the Mother and before the Crone in No Woman’s Land.
She plants Her flag and claims Her space in this previously
uncharted midlife territory. Still active and sexy, vital
with enthusiasm and energy of youth, the Queen is tempered
with the hard-earned experience and leavening attitudes
of age. She has been forced to face and overcome obstacles
and hard lessons, including Her own self-limiting tendencies,
and in so doing has outgrown the boundaries of Her old self.
Impatient with the inessential and restless for authenticity,
She sheds all attachment to the opinions of others and accepts
complete responsibility and control over Her life. She is
the Queen of Her Self, the mature monarch, the sole sovereign
of Her own life and destiny.
Henes goes on to describe this fourth
stage with humor, wit, poetry, and stories from her own
life. I particularly like the tables of correspondences
and the section on the deeper mysteries of the four queens
of the tarot— an innovative description that helps
me better understand those puzzling court cards. Henes asserts
that “Becoming a Queen is not automatic,” and
although this is far from a how-to or self-help book, Henes
does provide many practical ideas for stepping into sovereignty.
Every few pages, this lovely book features a lavender page
with purple type and the title, The Queen Suggests. These
pages are like a talk with Mama Donna as she counsels women
working on their Queendom in matters of health, beauty,
sex, and good solid magical practice and fun.
I have wondered at times if I resist
the Crone archetype too much— am I a secret ageist?
When somebody says something about my incipient Cronedom
or assumes that it has arrived and I cringe, am I in denial?
Do I disrespect the elderly? Yet I agree with Donna Henes
that I am not ready to rest on my laurels because I’m
still planting them. Henes gives me a framework and total
permission to feel what I feel.
And I am not alone. Henes beautifully
articulates that this trinity is not necessarily applicable
to today’s older woman. At a recent Reclaiming Winter
Witch Camp, the community introduced the role of the Venerable
Geezer and those who wished to be honored as elders proudly
joined the ranks. Yet, when one of the Venerable Geezers
suggested I join, I resisted, as did my friend Zoe, a woman
of a certain age (whatever it is) who simply rails against
the Crone archetype. Zoe says: “I don’t resonate
with that at all (because) I like sex way too much!”
Hoorah for Donna Henes, the Queen
who has given us a healthy, empowering way to perceive and
present ourselves.
Long live The Queen!
— Madelon Wise
